An Object that Andrew W. Loves/Hates

I positively love my millennium edition of The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. I’m so proud to own it, and I gaze at it lovingly each night as I go to sleep.

I don’t just love it because LotR is just a wonderful book, but also because it is divided into six volumes, plus the appendices, just as Tolkien intended the book to be read after he discovered he couldn’t publish it all as one enormous book. It also has a CD with recordings of Tolkien himself reading excerpts from the novel.

However, my real reason for loving this way-more-than-just-an object is because it has a simply stunning design. I mean, just look at the cover! It has got to be the coolest cover for any edition of LotR that I have ever seen. You can’t tell from the photo, but it has a beautiful glossy surface. The size of the books is also quite desirable. It has a very nice weight, and is much easier to carry with you than one of the bulkier combined volumes. All the books fit nice and snugly into their box, and I find it quite fun to slide the book perfectly into place with it’s brethren. Having the appendices in there too as a separate book is quite nice. It tells you a lot about the history of some of the characters, and what happens after the story ends. It’s a bit too complicated to splice into the three volume sets, and makes for good reading all on it’s own anyway.

It’s dazzlingly elegant, and something I am genuinely proud to own.

(If you just dismiss me as a nerd I swear to god I will crack your skull open with the anger of Morgoth.)

Something I really hate is this stupid thing.

I got it as a Christmas present from an aunt who has given me stupid electronic devices every year since I was 8. (dear lord I hope she never reads this) While it is pretty cool to look at, it has got to be the most idiotic device ever created. It’s called the Rubik’s Revolution. Basically it’s a toy that lets you play six different puzzle games. Sounds cool right? Well once you turn it on, there’s a horrendous cacophony that is meant to be a cool drum solo opening song, and an electronic voice says what I assume to be “Rubik’s Revolution,” But could just as easily be saying “Chex Mix Rub My Lotion,” which doesn’t sound like much fun at all. Then it shouts indiscernible instructions at you. So you try to move the cube around, like you would with a normal Rubik’s cube, but sadly, you are disappointed as you discover it’s all one solid piece of plastic that only LOOKS like it moves. After you flip your way through the tiny user’s manual to find out what the hell is going on, you decide that maybe you can figure this thing out after all. Then you press a button, and one of the games get’s started. Then you find out the games are absolutely no fun at all. Some of them require following the voices instructions, but you can hardly understand it. Others are just so mind-numbling simple minded you stop playing after you win just once because you know it won’t get any more fun after 60 more times.

And my particular one happens to be defective, so the green light doesn’t work when the cube is idle, which renders it’s only useful purpose; looking pretty, ruined, since green is one of my favourite colours.

There’s no way to improve it, other than just make it into a Rubik’s cube shaped lamp. Now THAT I would pay money for.



One Response to “An Object that Andrew W. Loves/Hates”

  1.   jjackson Says:

    Please don’t Morgoth me, but as lovely/unlovely as these objects are you’re not deconstructing them with the required vocabulary. . .