Exercise Nine: Marco Paravani
Marital Fun (The Perks of Unconditional Love) by Marco Paravani
We haven’t eaten meat for weeks
It’s part of her new regimen
Strung, green beans and sugar peas
flavoured in diet margarine
I couldn’t tell you what they mean,
her story magazines
She likes to read, and rest her feet
enjoying her English tea
I should stress, it’s lactose-free
She pays no mind to me, usually
But tonight’s our anniversary
So she gave me my own money
And then sent me out for groceries
Ingredients weren’t tricky
For my custard cake surprise
I bought some sugar, more margarine,
And I couldn’t tell you why
But I, instead of milk, born of contempt
mistook the skim for 4 percent
I may as well have gotten cream
And it’s too bad that I bought three
Which brings me to my last purchase
For deep down, I don’t truly hate her
A value pack of double-ply,
No-name toilet paper
March 15th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
in case it isn’t obvious, he hates his controlling and overbearing wife
and out of spite, takes advantage of her being lactose intolerant
making a creamy desert for his wife’s displeasure
the last stanza alludes to the aftermath of eating her anniversary surprise
March 18th, 2011 at 1:37 pm
I like what you’re trying to do, but if you feel the need to add a comment explaining it to us it’s a pretty good indication that you should revisit/revise your work. In this case some of the details are contradictory or don’t quite fit. Make sure that the details are well considered (that you’re giving us the appropriate clues) and trust the intelligence of your audience.